Magical Flaming Frying Pans, Swords, and Sporks
by The Spiffinator
Summary: This is about some fans of the books defeating Voldie! Rated for swearing.


THIS FIC CONTAINS OOTP SPOILERS!!!  
  
This is my story. The characters don't belong to me, they are from  
  
h t t p : / / b l u r r e d I m a g e . p r o b o a r d s 2 0 . c o m / ,  
  
which is a chat board for mourning Sirius' death. They are the members. Also, there is some SERIOUS Bellatrix Lestrange slamming in this fic, so if you are a fan of hers (though I can't fathom why you would be), turn back! Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this fic! They are JKR's! Except for the fans, who belong to themselves. (Bellabitch is Bellatrix, FYI)  
  
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"Shut up!" hissed a girl as she stepped through a portal into a filthy kitchen. She had on a silver name-tag that said 'Lily'. 6 people stepped out after her. Their nametags said; 'Snuffles', 'Padmez', 'Jango', 'Smudged', 'Siriusly', and 'Dragon'. "Do you have the potions, Snuffles?" asked Lily. Snuffles nodded, and handed them out, one to a person. "To revenge," whispered Padmez, as they lifted their vials in a toast. "To revenge," everyone echoed. They drank their vials as one. With a quiet 'Pop!' they turned into house elves- Tinky, Blinky, Inky, Sinky, Kinky, Slinky, and Rinky, respectively. "How come I have to be Kinky?" whined Smudged-Kinky. Siriusly-Slinky rolled her eyes. "TINKY!" roared Bellabitch. "I'm off," whispered Lily-Tinky, running out of the kitchen as fast as her house-elf legs could carry her. "Yes, Mistress?" she squeaked. Bellabitch smacked Lily-Tinky across the cheek. "I TOLD you to call me Lady Bellatrix!" "Yes, Lady Bellatrix," Lily-Tinky said. "I want two eggs and five strips of bacon for breakfast, and make it snappy! Now, GO!" yelled Bellabitch. Lily-Tinky raced back to the kitchen, where she healed her cheek. "Stupid bitch..." she muttered. "Two eggs, five strips of bacon...everybody makes one thing," she said. "Pans out." With that, everybody got to work. When they were done, Dragon- Rinky handed Lily-Tinky a poison-tipped spork. "Thanks, " Lily-Tinky replied, setting off for Bellabitch's room. "Here is your meal, Lady Bellatrix," said Lily-Tinky. Bellabitch picked up her spork and said,  
  
"You may go now." Lily-Tinky scuttled away. When she got back to the kitchen, everyone else was human. Snuffles pulled an antidote out of her bag and said, "Here." Lily drank it, and with a 'Whoosh!' sound, was human again. Then, everyone pulled out their pans, swords and personal weapons. They stored their personal weapons, and put a sword or a pan in each hand. "Let's go!" said Jango. They ran to the place where all Death Eaters were meeting except Bellabitch (because she was dead-gotta love that fast-acting poison!), He-Who's-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated, and Wormass. The Death Eaters pulled out their wands, but the fans (A/N: The fans are; Lily, Snuffles, Jango, Padmez, Smudged, Siriusly, and Dragon) waved their pans to the right, then to the left, and they jabbed their swords high into the air (which makes the sword's ice activate). "Spin with your sword and smash with your pan!" sang Lily, taking out 5 death eaters with said maneuver. "I'm going to go free the prisoners!" shouted Dragon, running to do just that. When Dragon returned, Lily handed her weapons to a prisoner, and took out her bow and arrow. She only paused in her archery to pull her arrows out of lifeless Death Eaters. All the Fans gave their swords and pans to the prisoners, whispering hurried directions on how to use them, and they switched to their special weapons. Everyone dodged curses as they fought. Finally, all the death eaters were gone. All the fans took their weapons back from the prisoners, de-activated their swords, and made their pans hotter as Voldie walked into the room, accompanied by Wormass. Before they could get their wands out, the fans smashed their pans on the two's heads. "Our work here is done!" said Siriusly. Lily opened a portal as Padmez cleared the floor of Death Eater bodies and of You-Know-Who and Wormtail ashes. The fans stepped through the portal, waving good-bye to the freed prisoners.  
  
THE END  
  
A small note: We are totally insane on the boards. In order to understand this, you should probably read the boards. Link above, if it doesn't show, e-mail be by the address given, or review and ask me to tell you the link. It's for people mourning Siri's death.  
  
Spiffy 3 


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